HEADLINE NEWS: MAN POKES OUT LEFT EYE, SAYS HE CAN’T BEAR SEEING 3D!


In an apparent backlash against 3D, Joe Beercan today stabbed himself in the left eye leaving him with sight in only his right eye. “I had to do it, I just can’t stand seeing things in 3D”, said Mr. Beercan. With the proliferation of 3D movies and seeing the world in 3D it just became too much for Mr. Beercan to live with.

Asked if Mr. Beercan thought this might be a growing trend he reported that he has started the “Pirate EyePatch Company”. He believes that many will follow his lead and poke out one of their eyes to eliminate the suffering of having to look at things in 3D. His new company makes it possible for those that have poked out their eye to make an elegant fashion statement.

“Moshe Dayan would be very proud to know he inspired my line of eye patches” said Mr. Beercan. At last, there is a solution to the imposition of 3D by Hollywood and consumer electronics industry oppressors like Sony who are trying to force people to look at 3D movies! We can all teach these evil companies a lesson by poking out our left eyes.

When asked “why the left eye”, he said “who would poke out their right (correct) eye?”.  “Clearly, the left eye is the wrong eye. If God had given us two right eyes then we wouldn’t be forced to poke out our left one, now would we? Of course, I would expect the media to be totally biased and on the side of those that think people should be forced to see 3D.”

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This is a complete made up fake story that never happened. However, many people have posted such negative comments about 3D that it inspired me to create this fake news article. I am not making fun of those who have suffered an eye injury and I am not advocating self mutilation of any kind whatsoever and especially anything related to harming vision. This article was meant as satire much like that of The Onion. If anyone finds it offensive I apologize. Also, I cast no negative aspersions on people with the name “Beercan”. I also do not intend to offend anyone that enjoys beer or any alcoholic beverage. This article has no political slant and any inferred association with a political party or media outlet is in no way intended. The reference to Moshe Dayan was not meant to imply anything or any endorsement of anything. I do not hold the opinion that there are any conspiracies at work with regards to Hollywood or Sony or any other consumer electronics manufacturer. This fake article does not represent my opinion about anything. It was written completely with the intent of being a joke, being satire, being nothing more than a thought provoking message of the absurd. If I am barraged with more than two dozen complaints, I will remove this post from my blog as it is not my intent to provoke negative reaction. For those of you in the eyecare field that read my blog, I hope this humor can be received in the way intended. I am so appreciative of all of the work of vision professionals that aid people with their vision every day. Perhaps it is callous to make fun and jest about losing the sight in one eye and I am willing to thoughtfully consider anyone’s comment to that effect. I am doing my best to make as clear of a disclaimer as possible but am more than willing to consider all criticism in terms of what may or may not be appropriate sarcasm for a blog of this nature where topics of importance like Strabismus are mentioned and discussed. I had many reservations with regards to posting this, and I almost did not post it… but I think that it can be read in the manner in which it was intended – as sarcasm – to make fun of the vitriol that many are unleashing on 3D cinema that is not warranted. By that I mean “all 3D is terrible” and words to that effect.

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